Wheezlin

A hae wheezled an crattled frae a tuk mae furst breath;

Mae wheezlin’ near scared tha aul midwife tae death.

Mae mither wunnered what tha wheezlin wus aboot;

Whun she sa’ it wus me, they say, she passed oot.

Whun a wuz baptised, tha clargy shuk lake a jug,

Fir A wheezled awa’, in his big holy lug.

Noo, feyther an mither didnae think ocht wus funny

At tha camoshun caased bae their wheezlin sonny.

A wheezled at schuil tae it wus time tae gae hame,

On Sunday at kirk A jest wheezled the same,

The weans thocht A wus some soart o’ joke,

But a wheezled awa’ tae A made maesel choke.

Maun, A thocht that coortin’ wus a quare bit o’ fun

But mae wheezlin’ scared tha lasses, far waur nir a gun;

An noo that A’m merried, A terment mae guid wife,

For mae wheezlin at nicht is the bane o’ hir life.

Tha docters hae tried mae wheezlin tae cure,

An toul me stye oot o’ tha damp an tha stour.

A hae tuk thoosans o’ bottles o’ pills, A micht add,

An inhalers as weel, but mae wheezlin’s still bad.

Sae as far as A see A mae jest wheezle wae care,

Tae they kerrie me oot an A wheezle nae mair.

Noo yin thing A’ll tell ye this wheezlin’s naw funny

An it cannae bae cured, aye, naw even wae money.