The Flood

The Lord took a huff at mankind, a righteous and natural scunner

They were neither tae haud nor tae bind, they were frichtit nae mare wi’ his thunner

They had broke every edict in law; they had pit a’ his saints tae the sword

They had worshipped false idols o’ stane — “I’ll stan’ it nae mare” said the Lord.

“I’m tired o’ scowlin’ at folk; I’ll pit them clean oot o’ my sicht

But Noah, guid sowl, I’ll spare him, for he tries, thon auld boy, tae dae richt.”

So he said tae Noah yin day, when naebody else was aboot,

“Hearken my servant, tae me, and these my commands carry oot.”

“A powerful big boat ye man build — an ark that will float heich an’ dry

Wi’ room in it for a’ yer ain folk an’ yin or twa cattle forby.

The tak ye the birds o’ the air, aye even the big turkey cocks,

An’ tak ye the beasts o’ the fiel’ — whuttericks an’ rebbits an’ brocks.”

“Pick ye twa guid yins o’ each, an’ see that nae cratur rebels

Never bother yer heid aboot fish, for they can luk efter theirsels.

Herd them a’ safely aboard and yince the Blue Peter’s unfurled

I’ll sen doon a forty day flood an’ the deil tak’ the rest o’ the world.”

Well Noah wrocht hard at the job an’ searched tae the earth’s farthest borders

An’ he gethered the bastes an’ the birds an’ tell’t them tae stan’ by fer orders.

An’ his sons, Shem and Japhet and Ham were busy a’ day at the work,

They had cut doon the trees in the wid an’ were buildin’ this powerful big ark.

Now this wusnae just done on the quiet and neighbours woud whiles gether roon

An’ Noah would drap them a hint, like “The wether is gaun tae brak’ doon”

But the neighbours wi’ evil were blin’ — naw yin o’ them guessed whit was wrang

Saying “That’ll be guid fer the craps for the wather’s bin dry for ower lang.”

Then Noah an a’ his ain folk, an’ the bastes an’ the birds got aboard

An’ they closed up the door o’ the ark an’ abandoned themselves tae the Lord

Then doon cam a lashin’ o’ rain, like the wettest wet day in Lochaber

An’ the hailstanes like plunkers cam doon, an’ the fields turned tae glar then tae clabber.

An the burns a’ cam doon in a spate, an’ the sheughs ran clean ower the haughs

An’ the brigs were a’ swepit awa’, an’ what had bin pools became lochs

An’ the folk were a’ sore pit aboot an’ cried, as the wather got waur

“O Lord we ken fine we hae sinned, but a joke can be carried ower far.”

Then they knocked at the dure o’ the ark, tae see if auld Noah had room

But he niver heeded their gowls — says he “This’ll lam yez tae swoom”

An the rivers roared loudly an’ deep an the miller was droon’t in the mill;

An’ the water spread ower the hale land an’ the shepherd was droon’t on the hill.

But Noah an’ his ain folk kep’ safe frae the fate of a’ e’il men

Till the ark, when the flood had gain ower, cam’ dunt on the tap o’ a ben

An the waters ran back tae the sea, an’ the sea settled doon an’ was calm

An’ Noah replenished the earth — But they’re sayin’ he took a brave dram!