Tha Katerin aun tha Kitchen

John McGimpsey Johnston

Thes es a tale aboot tha sort o maet ma Mither baket aun hoo et wus din whun A was a wean en Bellyhie, aun tha sort o gear sha haud tae yaes tae dae et.

Tha furst thing wus thur wus nae ges er electric en tha cuntrie aut thaut time. Aus weel aus thaut coals wur terbel deer sae et wus aa peats thaut wur yaesed fer tha fire aun pauraffen ile fer tha licht. Thur wur nae torches — jist hurricaun lamps fur caerryin aboot. Tha funnie thing es thaut tha hurricaun lamps wur exactly tha same aus tha yins ye caun still buy tae thes day. A seen yin fer sale en a haurdware shap simwhur aboot here.

Tha lamp en tha kitchen hung oan a pulley fae tha ceilin aun burnt pauraffen ile wae a weck, bit tha yin thaut sut oan tha table en tha parler was a gless baul oan a bress staun.

Aus ye caun emagine thes didnae gie aff terbel muckle licht sae et wus wunnerfu whun simbuddy envented tha pressure lamps wae a mauntle lake tha toon ges birners.

Bit tae git bak tae tha makin o tha maet, tha fire en tha kitchen wus tha heart o tha hoose, mainly A suppose acause et wus gaun aa tha time. Tha fireplace wus gae aun big. Tha fire appenin mauna bin aut least thie fit braid aun tha same heich, maybi mair thaun thaut, bak tae tha front. Tha fire bottom wus jist flet iren baurs aboot twa inch braid wae a weethin atween thum sae tha shunnthers cud faa doon entae tha ash pit. Thaut wus tha same breadth bit cum aboot echteen inches further oot, aun wus aboot fower fit deep. Tha bit thaut cum oot bi tha fire wus covert wae a fauncie caust iren graiten.

Thur wus nae rubbish bin needit acause wa jist clauded a tha rubbish en tha bak o tha fire aun et wus burnt alang wae tha peats. Tha ash pit wus ainly empiet aboot twice a year.

Sim o tha ither ferms roon aboot haud crickits en tha ash pit. Wae didnae hae oany en oors. Thaut wus aun affa guid jab acause thae kep a terbel noise.

Tha lum thaut ris streght up fae tha bak o tha fire wus aboot twa fit bi echteen inch, wae a stane aun lime chimley bigget oan tha tap, oot abin tha thacket roof, aun jist flasht roon wae saun aun lime moartar oan tae tha thatch, tae kep tha wat oot.

Tae git bak tae tha fireplace, thur wus whut wus caad a crane wae aun airm aboot thie aun a hauf fit lang wae a post hinged tae tha richt side o tha wa, tha airm gaun richt acroass tha fire.

Thur wur thie crooks cleeket oan tae thes airm fir hingin poats o different sizes oan, tha griddle aun tha oven pot. Thes airm cud bi braught oot cleer o tha fire. Whun et wus a bushel poat oan et, et wus gie weichty aun sim times et tuk twa folk tae lift et doon ontae tha flair ef et wus fu.

Tha folk tha day cud haurdly emagine whut et wud bi lake no tae hae aun ovan er rings fer makin tha maet, bit aun ovan poat wus ivery bit aus guid whun ye kent whut ye wur daein. Tha ovan poat wus roon aun near twa fit acroass wae tha sides staunin streght up aun a flet lid ont. Thur wur lugs oan tha sides thaut tha bouls yaest tae bi cleeket oan tae, aun thae hung fae whut iver crook suitet. Tha heicht cud bi mauvet up er doon tae suit.

Whun ma Mither wus bakin a cake sha yaest tae pit a Clydesdale hoarse shae oan tha bottom o tha poat sae et wudnae burn. A mine hir tellin aboot yin time pickin up anither hoarse shae fer thes jab bit didnae notice thur wus a wee bit o tha hauf stickin tae et. Aff caurse whun tha heat gaut up tha smell gaut a bit strang aun spilet tha cake.

As weel aus tha heat alow tha poat she yaest tae pit a wheen o bits o tha burnin peats oan tha tap o tha lid tae keep tha heat up aa roon tha cake.

Apperently nae lang efter tha cake wus spilet thur wus aun aul baggarmaun cum lauken fer simthin tae ate sae he gaut tha cake instead o tha deuks aun hens thaut wuda gaut et. He maun hae thaucht et wus Christmaus.

Anither thing thaut yaest tae hing fae tha crook wus tha fryin paun. Et wus caust iren aus weel, aun sae wus tha big kettle thaut maistly sut singin aside tha peat fire, aun tha griddle aus weel.

Thaes things wur aa caust iren acause thur wirnae oany aluminium yins en thae days. Tha taypoats wur enamel wae a guid strup, aun then thur wus whut wus caad tay draaers thaut tha tinkers yaest tae mak oot o tin wae haurdly oany strup ava — jist a lid. Tha fower quart can wus anither thing thaut tha tinkers haud tae sell.

A wheen o year efter thes, a new thing cum alang. Et wus a pauraffen ile stove wae thie big burners. Et stud aboot thie fit heigh wae aun ovan thaut covert twa o tha burners wae yin left aut tha side fer bilin a kettle er poat oan.

Thes new faungelt thing aff caurse dane awa wae tha ovan poat. Aboot tha sim time thur wus whut wus caad a Moderin Misteruss stove cum alang. A think et cum fae America. Aus faur aus A mine et wus aa caust iren wae aun ovan alow aun tha rings oan tha tap. Hooiver, et wus a jab tae git fixt en, acause tha ash pit haud tae bi filt en tha lum aun tha fire apenin aa haud tae bi sortet tae tak tha stove pipe. Anither thing A fergoat aboot wus thaut thur wus nae drinkin watter aboot tha place. Ivery drap o watter fer makin maet aun drinkin haud tae bi cairrit fer hauf a mile fae a waal aut tha bak o John Townley’s place. Thaut ment simbuddy gaun fer a gang o watter, thaut wus twa enamel buckets fu, aboot ivery day. Thes wus tha nearest clean watter.

Thur wus a waal oan ‘Tha Knowe’, bit simbuddy sunk et en a terbel stupit place jist doon tha bak o tha dike fae tha midden, aun aff caurse tha midden bree seepet oan entae et en spilet tha watter. Tha beece wudnae aven drink et.

Aff caurse whun wae mauvet awa tae Bangor jist then, wae wuda bin aricht acause en tha nixt year er twa tha Countie Cooncil staurtet whut tha caad tha Noarth Doon watter sceem. Thae pipet watter fae tha Silent Vaulley en tha Mourne Mountins ower fowerty mile awa. Ower tha hale cuntrieside.

Tha nixt thing wus tha electric boord brung tha electric aa ower tha cuntrie pittin muckle great paules en tha middle o fiels er whuriver thae liket. Tha fermers wurnae terbel pleaset wae thum daein thes aff caurse, aun triet tae stap thum.

Thur wus yin aul fermer en tha cuntrie wha wus aus determent nae tae laut thum pit yin o thae muckle greaut paules en tha middle o a hey fiel. Bit thae tuk hem tae coort aun tha judge gean thum a coort order tae git entae thes fiel tae pit up tha paule.

Sae tha fermer gaut wurd en tha post thaut thae wur cumin oan a certen day tae staurt. Hooiver, tha aul boye wusnae bate yit. Sae tha mornin thae wur cummin he pit a muckle greaut cernapshus Heilan bul thaut he haud in tha fiel.

Eventually alang cums tha fower er five boyes wae thur orders aun tha paule aun aa thur gear. Whun thae arrivet tha bul wus grazen aut tha faur en o tha fiel aun didnae spie thum. Bit whun thae staurtet tae claud thur gear aff tha lorrie thae wur makin a quare rackit. Aff caurse tha bul wusnae best pleast wae thes cerryoan aun tuk a cherge aut thum.

Ye cud emagin tha sicht o thes muckle baste chergin doon tha fiel tae thum wavin hes hornes a yerd lang aun tha sods fleen en a derectains. Et wuda bin enaugh tae scaur oanybuddy.

Oanywey thae staurtet tae yell fer tha fermer tae tak hes bul awa. Sae he jist telt thum tae jist show tha bul tha paper.