Address to a Nintendo DS
Author: Mark Thompson
Date: 2012
Source: Ullans: The Magazine for Ulster-Scots, Nummer 12 Wunter 2011/12
Mark Thompson
A Nintendo DS is a wee hand-held computer game that has infested the younger generation, increasing the poverty of parents, and the disobedience and selective hearing of weans, the world over. This is about our Charlie (5 ½) and his DS fixation:
Charlie an thon oul Nintendo
He near haes his ma roon the bend-o
Killin things fae ooter space
Gubbin them richt in the face
Ye cannae fin him roon the place
He’s awa playin thon oul Nintendo
Ye cannae get near the Nintendo
Charlie’ll no gie ye a lend-o
Ye dinnae hae a chance ava
He’s jumpin left an richt an aa
Spongebob Squarebreeks taks a faa
Fae Charlie wi thon oul Nintendo
Ye’d think it was glued tae his hands-o
Lego Star Wars an’ then Super Mario
Cloddin fireballs at fowk
Fechtin Darth Vader’s nae joke
His ma says he’s goin tae get choked —
If he disnae quat playin Nintendo!
He cannae pit the thing doon-o
Even whun he’s in the bathroom-o
He couped — it went fleein across the room
It hut the toilet an went doon
It gien a splash, an then it droon’t
He kill’t his beloved Nintendo
(but a wheen o’ months later, efter weerin doon his ma an da wi gurnin an gan on, he got anither yin …)
When it’s time tae go tae his bed-o
Charlie hides it richt unner his pillow
The blanket’s pil’d up ower his heid
Ye cannae see him, jist his feet
Whit’s that lit up alo the sheets?
It’s Charlie wi thon oul Nintendo
Nae doot Charlie’s hooked on Nintendo
He’s nae need tae even pretend-o!
Ye’d think he’d naethin else tae dae
But sit on his rear-enn an play
“A’ll redd ma room some ither day…
A’m on Level Five on Nintendo!”
