Dolly M‘Croit

(An extract from The Humour of Druid’s Island, by Archibald McIlroy, 1902)

“Talk aboot the heathen abroad,” said Geordie Eslor, one evening, to Staffy M‘Crone, as they sat together enjoying a fireside ‘crack’. “Did ye iver hear tell o’ the M‘Croits?”

“Dae ye mean auld Jacky an’ Dolly that leeved doon near the rockin’-stane ?”

“The very same,” Geordie replied; “a think a mair ignorant couple could har’ly hae been foun’ an’ un’ner the sun.”

“So a hae been informed,” Staffy answered.

“Auld Mr. M‘Intyre went tae visit them on yin occasion,” Geordie continued; “an’ when he got inside the do’r, it tuk him some minutes afore he could see onythin’ for the darkness an’ peat-reek.”

“Jacky was deaf, an’ was sittin’ at his loom in a corner; on his heid a dirty nicht-cap, wi’ an enormous tassel hangin’ ower his ear; an’ his face luck’t as if it hadna seen sape or water for six months.”

“Jacky nether hear’d nor saw the minister’s approach an’ continued at his weavin’; but Dolly got up aff the creepy-stool on which she had been crouchin’ ower the fire, snatched the ‘cutty’ frae her mooth, an’ made a pretence o’ drivin’ the hens and ducks ootside, as weel as the soo which was gruntin in contentment on the opposite side o’ the fireplace, at the same time drawin’ forrit a rickety chair for the minister.”

“Dolly was hersel’ a bit deef; an’ on that accoont, as weel as a dulness o’ comprehension, she lost much o’ the guid that Mr. M‘Intyre did his best tae impart.”

“ ‘The hoose abane?’ she cried oot in response tae some remark he had made. ‘Why, it’s no near as guid as whor we’re sittin’; for it’s just filthy wi’ the hens and deucks.’ ”

“ ‘But have you no idea,’ said Mr. M‘Intyre, ‘as to who it was that brought you from the land of Egypt and out of the house of bondage?’ ”

“ ‘It couldna hae been us, yer rev’rence,’ says Dolly; ‘a was niver a mile ayont the Druid’s Altar in my life, nor nether was Jacky.’ ”

“ ‘Have you never heard,’ asked the minister, in despair, ‘of that place where there will be weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth?’ ”

“ ‘A hae only two auld stumps left,’ says Dolly, ’an they’re no’ fornenst ither.’ ”